Knowing Less

Have a little Season's Reasoning!

2010-12-26T04:51:00.000-08:00

This was written on Dec. 22nd 2010; it was something I wanted to share.

I had a beautiful drive down the coast this morning to see my doctor. Along the road I normally take is a home that has a billboard. It normally proclaims that he's ordained to do marriages or during a political season, you'll see his extreme right views. Today his board read: "It is NOT Xmas! Keep Christ in Christmas."

WOW! Thanks for that. It makes me laugh because here is an extremely religious person, protesting a religious abbreviation. People like this see it as offensive to say Xmas, but they don't even know where the term comes from! The "-mas" part is from the Latin-derived Old English word for "mass", while the "X" comes from the Greek letter Chi, which is the first letter of the Greek word translated as "Christ".

I find it amusing, but it's not the secularism of Christmas that I object to, after all it was originally a pagan holiday. I find issue with the commercialism of the season; Stores packed with Christmas items before thanksgiving, the rudeness of shoppers trying to get the best deal, and the massive amounts of money spent on gifts and food.

I try to focus on loving people and instilling kindness into my kids. We like to have fun and celebrate the holiday for what it is. We spend the time making home made crafts and cooking. I love Christmas/Xmas/Winter solstice/Hanukkah. I love to decorate and enjoy some of the music.

My advice this season? Love each other and enjoy the time spent together, everything else is just stuff.

MERRY XMAS!

Feeling down and out

2010-08-30T08:45:00.000-07:00

Why do we feel such lows? Is there a reason and a purpose behind them? Do they help us grow? Do they help us appreciate the good moments?

There's no hard or fast answer for this. Tho I'll admit that sometimes I'm looking for that quick easy answer.

Christianity will tell you that there's something wrong with you if you are depressed. Well meaning people will tell you that if you are feeling poorly about yourself or your circumstances, then there's something wrong with your faith. I disagree. See, I don't think faith is a matter of will power; something we "drum up" inside of us. I believe our faith comes from a limitless outer source. So if our faith comes from someone else, how can our feelings be a result of a lack of it? Simply, they can't.

See, as human beings we were created with a unique set of emotions/feelings. Not all of them are pleasant, but none of them are bad. There are institutions (religious or psychological) that will tell you feelings like anger, depression, disappointment, etc are bad or that you need to "deal" with those emotions (by which they almost always mean obliterate or stuff them). I say feel your feelings; they were given to you for a reason.

There are no easy answers in life, in fact I enjoy questions now more than ever. I don't have to know why. And nothing is ever JUST black and white. So if you're feeling a little grey...that's alright. The sun will come out sooner or later and if you're feeling something; you can be thankful you're alive to feel it.

The Amazing Truth Treasure Hunt

2010-08-02T10:17:00.000-07:00

My kids love Indiana Jones. I decided to take that love and make it real for them. I drafted a letter from Indy which held a request for their help. It contained a message that they had to first decipher and a map that would lead them around our property. It was a thrilling moment for them. They hurriedly decoded the clues and their eyes lit up when they realized the map was of the woods in our back yard. They had a passion for their new mission. Counting steps as they paced through the trails, they quickly found the area they needed to search. It didn't take long for one of them to hold up their treasure -- The Silver Apple of Sardis. (Picture an apple encased in tin foil) The joy and the excitement of this treasure hunt has stayed with me.

Just like my kids I get excited about treasure hunts, but these days I am motivated by hunting for truth. A lot of times it's an accidental find and that makes it precious to me. I read many things on Facebook that friends of mine write and through comments and discussion I stumble onto truths.

The question of HOW I know things to be true comes to mind. I know people ask it often. "By what authority?" The answer is simple, the spirit within me KNOWS. You can call that spirit whatever you want, but I know it is there and it guides me. I believe that spirit IS truth. I'm human, I make mistakes, but I do know how to listen. Other people will say that you can't listen to your heart; that it will lead you astray, but I disagree. That voice inside is worth listening to.

I was reading a post about Buddha and the things he stood for and taught. There was much debate from several angles but I don't think the debate matters. It doesn't have to have the name of some religion stamped on it to be true. Buddha taught some amazing, true things. He talked about a spirit at the core of everything. Whether Buddha conceded that the spirit he talked about was God or not. Does it change the truth? What is the glue that holds everything together? Call it God, call it spirit, call it a complex chemical process -- it does not change what IS. And truth can be found in part or whole. You can agree with one statement and disagree with another...no one said everything Buddha taught was correct. But he did teach a lot of true things.

I encourage people to read and learn for themselves. You will find truth.
I think the spirit of God is so amazing because he's planted truth in the most interesting places, just waiting for us to find it! It's just like an amazing truth treasure hunt!

Confessions of a former Wesley-Bapti-Costal

2010-03-14T11:09:00.001-07:00

Because we are approaching the “sacred” holiday which marks the 2 year anniversary of my release from guilt, I find myself pondering my past and the path which brought me to where I am now.
I was raised in a home where religion/hypocrisy reigned supreme. We were at our local church every time the doors were open. My father was involved in the hierarchy of the church and my mother served as secretary/treasurer of different ministries. At home my mother was a doormat to a lunatic adulterer and my father was an abusive masochist. But at church, everything was happy and shiny. I’ll never forget black eyes, beatings, and my Father’s Layman of the Year award. I learned that double standard and practiced it well. As youth group president, I partied and did all sorts of things a good girl DOESN’T do. Is it any wonder I despise this human condition?
As an adult, I “came to my senses” and attempted to be what the church said God wanted me to be. Isn’t that asinine? To listen to a middleman instead of going right to the source? I helped in every ministry I could find and became a “good girl”. So why didn’t I feel any closer to God? Why did I feel even further from him? Maybe it was because I was taking someone else’s cues again and not his. When we decided to step down from our membership at our church it was at God’s leading. Of course it really was my compromise with God. He was telling us to leave altogether but I couldn’t fathom that. Once we were grilled and belittled by our pastor and his wife and then treated with so much disrespect and distain from people we thought were our friends, we decided to not return. And for me that first missed Sunday had to be Easter. Because there are 2 days that even people who don’t go to church, go to church: Christmas and Easter. I needed to make that harsh break with tradition (I heard someone once say that tradition is French for boring).
And it seems to me that if you are living your life with an all consuming love for others, why do you want to exalt several days over the others? Love should be a 365 celebration. (It’s why I cook for others. It’s my way of loving random people.) But celebrating Easter is silly. It is a conversion of the Jewish Passover and again that is another tradition. I don’t mean that I don’t like traditions or that holidays are somehow evil. I simply wish to know where these traditions come from and then choose to celebrate them for fun or nothing. Saying that these days are special, more holy than others, is just attaching God to a holiday. It’s like trapping the wind in a box. It’s silly.
I find the harder you try to reach God, the further away you get. Is there a lesson in the tower of Babel? Yes, but of course in Christianity that is exactly what you are supposed to do. You must work hard. You must build. There’s a to-do-list or check list of things you have to do to be close to God. And you are often judged by the things you don’t get done or are not doing. Is there something bad happening in your life?? How’s your prayer life? Are you doing daily devotions? This kind of reasoning is ignorant at best. I heard a “joke” once that a man asked a stranger to hold a ladder for him so that he could reach God. Another person came by and asked the man holding the ladder what was happening. He smiled and replied, “He’s looking for me.” I believe in a God within us and around us. He’s closer than our next breath and not high in the heavens judging us or waiting to zap us.
If you disagree that’s fine. I just have a hard time following rules my God did NOT create. Call me a heretic or a sad lost soul, but I may not hear you…I’m busy dancing to the tune of love.

The face of Love

2010-02-12T06:35:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know Johnny and Kate Brooks, I'd love for you to "meet" them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5_DfFu_yE4&feature=channel

http://www.afutureandahope.net/

They gave up everything to go to Kenya and take care of orphans! They are not supported by any religious organization. Their funding comes from word of mouth.
This is LOVE in a very real and tangible way.

A Quote from their site:

"We believe in order to give orphans a future and a hope, they need a ‘Mom and Dad’ to love them and encourage them through the ups and downs of life. Our personal home, aka A Future and a Hope Headquarters, has 8 orphan girls in it. We live together and function as a family.
We bring a Future and a Hope to more than just orphans. We live out our faith by taking care of ‘the least of these’ here in Kenya by feeding the hungry, bringing medicines to the sick, clothing the naked, or just by being a friend to the unwanted."

What they are doing just makes my heart sing!

Tornadoes

2009-11-22T10:01:00.000-08:00

For years I've been scared of tornadoes. It's an illogical fear that I think was based on a childhood memory. As I remember it, we were driving to Texas to visit family and my mom was begging my father to pull over and he insisted on continuing to drive through a tornado. My sisters and I were in a camper attached to the bed of the truck. I remember intense winds and an all consuming fear. Nothing happened...we drove through the night, but the fear has stayed with me for years.

I think I'm beginning to learn to let go of fear. There's a healthy fear that translates into respect but it's the irrational terrors that grip me and damage me. Over the last 2 years I've had many of my fears realized and I've come to recognize that it's not so bad. I feared not having a home for my children, I feared not being able to pay bills, I've feared not having $ for food, I've feared losing our health, I feared losing my friends/support base, and I've feared being misunderstood.

My husband lost his health...we're still ok. Some days are still struggles but we find that our inner strength is renewed everyday!

We lost our house...we're still ok. We've had to move 3 times in the last year but there has always been a place for us to go. And there have been people around us at each location that we'd not have met otherwise. There have been some pretty awesome conversations that sometimes needed to happen for us and sometimes for the other person.

We lost income...we're still ok. People we didn't know showed up and handed us envelopes full of money. Rebate checks have showed up for things long forgotten. Refunds for strange things show up all the time. People have brought us food in holiday baskets or monthly food pantry deliveries. There is a provision that I really can't explain other than my Father loves me and takes care of me.

I was misunderstood and lost almost everyone of my local friends/support base…I’m still ok. There are things and people that we come to rely on that aren’t necessarily good for us. There are people, with what they believe to be good intentions, who will lie to you and damage your sense of freedom. But I’ve found that those friendships were not based on real love and have honestly not been missed in light of what I have now.

Don’t get me wrong. I have bad days…sometimes lots of them. But I’m learning to reposition myself in the storms. The chaos and debris swirls around threatening to knock me down but if I just move a little…I’m in the peaceful eye of the tornado. There’s someone in there with me who loves me, holds my hand, and helps me relax.

It’s really the best place I’ve ever been in my life. I'm learning to fear less. Tornadoes die out and other storms come, but I’m content knowing how to ride them out.

2009-11-04T14:07:00.001-08:00

Stretching

2009-11-04T13:56:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine recently said: "Stretching, stretching... you eventually become limber and it stops hurting, right? :-) Physically AND spiritually?" This following was my response to what I have been learning on my journey:

It has been my experience that the hurting may not stop, but it becomes more tolerable as you cease stretching and know that He is God. In other words he does not want ANYTHING from you. Trying harder is not even in the equation. He simply loves you as he made you. In fact he is DELIGHTED in you, warts and all.

As we realize that He really lives through us as the unique person he created us to be we learn to relax in His unconditional love. Then slowly and sometimes in bursts of revelation we start to relax more and more into that love that demands NOTHING of us. As we yield to that love we find that he has been there all along, as close as the nose on our face and the heart beating within us. He is not somewhere out there, but right here with us now.

Only Jesus can literally live those realities out through our unique person that he expertly, lovingly fashioned and had in His mind before the foundation of the world. As we let go of the struggling and trying harder and relax more and more a mysterious thing happens. Our whole perspective on ourselves and others radically changes. We start to become more patient with ourselves and others. We start to not take ourselves SO seriously. We learn to have a sense of wonder and play like a little child again. ... Read More

Ask Him to reveal Himself IN you and to make that more of a reality to you, and to help you to trust that He will do it. Everything else will NATURALLY flow from you REALIZING that in your heart and yes even in your emotions to your head. Yes I said heart to head, not the other way around. He is so much more patient with us than we realize, and He really is enamored, infatuated, and totally ga-ga over us. RELIGION has taught us the exact opposite of this and it breaks Daddy's heart.

It is time to let go of the FEAR based PERFORMANCE lie and to embrace a love that is so passionate and wild that it will change us WITHOUT our trying. It seems to sneak up on you at times and shout, "Surprise! I am working things out within and through you that you did not even realize until this very moment unfolded." It is unpredictable, spontaneous, and beautiful, and it only comes through the relaxing and letting go of control.

I know this is a long post, but it just seemed to flow out of me. I hope this strikes a chord of truth within you. Just know that you are dearly loved, Period.

In the beginning

2009-11-04T11:17:00.000-08:00

The first thing to ever come in to existence was the WORD. So it makes sense to start there...with words. I believe words are powerful. They hold within them the power to heal, create, or destroy. The written word has always spoken loudly to me and it's through the written words on social networks and online chatting that I am learning a new sense of community and what it means to love people. I'm setting up this blog site to share insights and ramblings that leak out of our home.