Tornadoes

For years I've been scared of tornadoes. It's an illogical fear that I think was based on a childhood memory. As I remember it, we were driving to Texas to visit family and my mom was begging my father to pull over and he insisted on continuing to drive through a tornado. My sisters and I were in a camper attached to the bed of the truck. I remember intense winds and an all consuming fear. Nothing happened...we drove through the night, but the fear has stayed with me for years.

I think I'm beginning to learn to let go of fear. There's a healthy fear that translates into respect but it's the irrational terrors that grip me and damage me. Over the last 2 years I've had many of my fears realized and I've come to recognize that it's not so bad. I feared not having a home for my children, I feared not being able to pay bills, I've feared not having $ for food, I've feared losing our health, I feared losing my friends/support base, and I've feared being misunderstood.

My husband lost his health...we're still ok. Some days are still struggles but we find that our inner strength is renewed everyday!

We lost our house...we're still ok. We've had to move 3 times in the last year but there has always been a place for us to go. And there have been people around us at each location that we'd not have met otherwise. There have been some pretty awesome conversations that sometimes needed to happen for us and sometimes for the other person.

We lost income...we're still ok. People we didn't know showed up and handed us envelopes full of money. Rebate checks have showed up for things long forgotten. Refunds for strange things show up all the time. People have brought us food in holiday baskets or monthly food pantry deliveries. There is a provision that I really can't explain other than my Father loves me and takes care of me.

I was misunderstood and lost almost everyone of my local friends/support base…I’m still ok. There are things and people that we come to rely on that aren’t necessarily good for us. There are people, with what they believe to be good intentions, who will lie to you and damage your sense of freedom. But I’ve found that those friendships were not based on real love and have honestly not been missed in light of what I have now.

Don’t get me wrong. I have bad days…sometimes lots of them. But I’m learning to reposition myself in the storms. The chaos and debris swirls around threatening to knock me down but if I just move a little…I’m in the peaceful eye of the tornado. There’s someone in there with me who loves me, holds my hand, and helps me relax.

It’s really the best place I’ve ever been in my life. I'm learning to fear less. Tornadoes die out and other storms come, but I’m content knowing how to ride them out.

Stretching

A friend of mine recently said: "Stretching, stretching... you eventually become limber and it stops hurting, right? :-) Physically AND spiritually?" This following was my response to what I have been learning on my journey:

It has been my experience that the hurting may not stop, but it becomes more tolerable as you cease stretching and know that He is God. In other words he does not want ANYTHING from you. Trying harder is not even in the equation. He simply loves you as he made you. In fact he is DELIGHTED in you, warts and all.

As we realize that He really lives through us as the unique person he created us to be we learn to relax in His unconditional love. Then slowly and sometimes in bursts of revelation we start to relax more and more into that love that demands NOTHING of us. As we yield to that love we find that he has been there all along, as close as the nose on our face and the heart beating within us. He is not somewhere out there, but right here with us now.

Only Jesus can literally live those realities out through our unique person that he expertly, lovingly fashioned and had in His mind before the foundation of the world. As we let go of the struggling and trying harder and relax more and more a mysterious thing happens. Our whole perspective on ourselves and others radically changes. We start to become more patient with ourselves and others. We start to not take ourselves SO seriously. We learn to have a sense of wonder and play like a little child again. ... Read More

Ask Him to reveal Himself IN you and to make that more of a reality to you, and to help you to trust that He will do it. Everything else will NATURALLY flow from you REALIZING that in your heart and yes even in your emotions to your head. Yes I said heart to head, not the other way around. He is so much more patient with us than we realize, and He really is enamored, infatuated, and totally ga-ga over us. RELIGION has taught us the exact opposite of this and it breaks Daddy's heart.

It is time to let go of the FEAR based PERFORMANCE lie and to embrace a love that is so passionate and wild that it will change us WITHOUT our trying. It seems to sneak up on you at times and shout, "Surprise! I am working things out within and through you that you did not even realize until this very moment unfolded." It is unpredictable, spontaneous, and beautiful, and it only comes through the relaxing and letting go of control.

I know this is a long post, but it just seemed to flow out of me. I hope this strikes a chord of truth within you. Just know that you are dearly loved, Period.

In the beginning

The first thing to ever come in to existence was the WORD. So it makes sense to start there...with words. I believe words are powerful. They hold within them the power to heal, create, or destroy. The written word has always spoken loudly to me and it's through the written words on social networks and online chatting that I am learning a new sense of community and what it means to love people. I'm setting up this blog site to share insights and ramblings that leak out of our home.