Tornadoes

For years I've been scared of tornadoes. It's an illogical fear that I think was based on a childhood memory. As I remember it, we were driving to Texas to visit family and my mom was begging my father to pull over and he insisted on continuing to drive through a tornado. My sisters and I were in a camper attached to the bed of the truck. I remember intense winds and an all consuming fear. Nothing happened...we drove through the night, but the fear has stayed with me for years.

I think I'm beginning to learn to let go of fear. There's a healthy fear that translates into respect but it's the irrational terrors that grip me and damage me. Over the last 2 years I've had many of my fears realized and I've come to recognize that it's not so bad. I feared not having a home for my children, I feared not being able to pay bills, I've feared not having $ for food, I've feared losing our health, I feared losing my friends/support base, and I've feared being misunderstood.

My husband lost his health...we're still ok. Some days are still struggles but we find that our inner strength is renewed everyday!

We lost our house...we're still ok. We've had to move 3 times in the last year but there has always been a place for us to go. And there have been people around us at each location that we'd not have met otherwise. There have been some pretty awesome conversations that sometimes needed to happen for us and sometimes for the other person.

We lost income...we're still ok. People we didn't know showed up and handed us envelopes full of money. Rebate checks have showed up for things long forgotten. Refunds for strange things show up all the time. People have brought us food in holiday baskets or monthly food pantry deliveries. There is a provision that I really can't explain other than my Father loves me and takes care of me.

I was misunderstood and lost almost everyone of my local friends/support base…I’m still ok. There are things and people that we come to rely on that aren’t necessarily good for us. There are people, with what they believe to be good intentions, who will lie to you and damage your sense of freedom. But I’ve found that those friendships were not based on real love and have honestly not been missed in light of what I have now.

Don’t get me wrong. I have bad days…sometimes lots of them. But I’m learning to reposition myself in the storms. The chaos and debris swirls around threatening to knock me down but if I just move a little…I’m in the peaceful eye of the tornado. There’s someone in there with me who loves me, holds my hand, and helps me relax.

It’s really the best place I’ve ever been in my life. I'm learning to fear less. Tornadoes die out and other storms come, but I’m content knowing how to ride them out.